Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
