I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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