I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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