No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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