I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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