Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
