so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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