If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize