end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
