I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
