I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
