I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
