I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
