he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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