I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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