You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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