We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
