he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
