Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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