I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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