And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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