I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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