Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
