My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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