he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
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I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
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Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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