we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
