I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
