I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
