im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
as a side note pls kill me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
