Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
