why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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