I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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