There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
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All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
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He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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