i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
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I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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