I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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