It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
