But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
