Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize