I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
