Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
