do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
