You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm at about main and main street
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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