Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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