Say something about gay babies.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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