did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
