im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
