I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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