My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
