someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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