you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Panties = found
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
