I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
