fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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