i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
