If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
