So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
