not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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