I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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