I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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