Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
