Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
