i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize