Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
