Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
