Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
