you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
