I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
