I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
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I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We smell like vodka and hangover
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