I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
