Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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