I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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