I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
