im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
