I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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