69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
