she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Every concussion has its silver lining
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
